By Dan Fitzsimmons
“Tell me what a woman should not do after the first date.”
I’ve been hearing that question a lot lately from my single female friends. Maybe they’re asking me they think I have secret insight into the male psyche.
That’s possible, but I think it’s probably more likely they think all guys are the same and one size fits all.
I guess I should also tell you why my advice is authentic. I’m a 31-year-old single guy, living in Brooklyn with a decent sales job. I live alone and I keep my wardrobe up with the latest fashions. I’m not a guy you will meet at the sports pub. You are more likely to run into me at a hotel lounge with gin and tonic in my hand.
Now that the legal clause is out of the way, let me break down what women should never do after the first date.
Should you call or text after that first date?
It depends on how old you are and how old the guy is. If the guy is older than 30 years old, you can safely assume he is starting to feel the pressure of time. That doesn’t mean he feels old or has a yearning for kids.
It means that a Friday or Thursday is now more valuable to him than it was a decade ago. When guys are 23 years old, we’ll go out with anyone, as long as she is a female and has two legs.
She doesn’t speak English? Hey, it’s okay, we’ll use sign language or I’ll drink till I’m interested. It all changes though after 30. We want to know more about the woman on a deeper level.
What does she do for work? Who is she at the root? How expressive or smart is she? We put parameters on our time with age just like women do but we don’t place as much emphasis on it.
Should you call or text the next day?
The answer is no, regardless of age. If you’re a smart woman, you should want to know if he is thinking of you the next day.
This is not a game. It’s a fact so accept it. If a guy goes out with you and he doesn’t text you the next day, you should assume you have no value to him. Yeah, I know that is full of acidity but it’s the truth.
How long does it take to text a guy? Less than 30 seconds. What he is telling you by not texting you is that you are not worth 30 seconds to him.
Also, you will learn how thoughtful this guy is by his response the next day. Yes, read into his text — regardless of what all of those stupid magazines that are written by women say.
Should I have sex the next time we meet if our chemistry is strong?
This is a tough question because so many factors are involved.
Is he religious? What are his values? How long has he lived in Brooklyn? Did he just get out of a long-term relationship or is he a perennial bachelor? These are all factors that have an influence on the answer.
But generally speaking, you will probably hurt yourself more by sleeping with him on the second night. You can fool around and go to third base but I would deny him the home run. He will respect you more.
Also, sex can create an instant bond but if the chemistry is as strong as you say, then an extra day of waiting won’t hurt you but it might help you.
Should I ask him out or wait for him to ask me out? A lot of Brooklyn women have told me they take the initiative to ask out guys.
Okay, fine, I’ll give you that. If your guy is a pushover and you think he wants to ask you out but he is afraid of rejection, then yes, you should ask him out. But I think a better question is do you really want to go out with a pushover or a guy who can’t ask for what he wants? I would say no.
But if he’s a shy type, then sure why not. If he’s a strong type who works in sales, I would let him know you had a great time with him and tell him you’re looking forward to seeing him again. Let him make his move. It’s not emasculating.