Friends with Benefits – Single Woman Opens up on why it Hurts

By Desi Pavlova

For the first time, I have experienced friends with benefits and I don’t like it.

For the sake of protecting my friend, let’s call him Sam.

Sam and I have been friends for two years and it is always fun when we hang out. Neither of us has family in New York, so we rely on each other for our emotional support.

It was raining last Sunday and most New Yorkers know what that means. You stay at home. In the case with Sam and me, we decided to make dinner and stay inside.

After a few glasses of wine, we took our friendship to another level.

Most guys say they don’t believe the opposite sex can be friends but I never believed them. I always thought it was possible for guys and girls to be friends.

Changing my mind

Back to my friends with benefits experience.

Sam is a really handsome guy. He is cute, smart with a strong British accent. He’s over 6-feet tall, blond and is built like an athlete. He is also a gentleman.

I don’t eat at home very often, so Sam’s invitation to eat a home-cooked meal at his place was one I couldn’t pass up. Once the wine started flowing, the thunder, rain and lightning set its own mood.

When dinner was over, the thunderstorm was at its peak and we both agreed I was stranded at his apartment.

I felt sick from the rain, so Sam offered to give me a massage.

Use your imagination for the rest.

I spent the night in a bed that was once foreign to me. I woke up in a bedroom I had walked through so many times. For the first time, it seemed new to me as I saw the morning sun peak through his windows.

I was uncomfortable.

I had to get out of his apartment as fast as possible, but there he was, making tea for me.

This was my first experience of friends with benefits. I never thought about this before but this type of friendship is not for me. I want to forget about what happened. I’m scared that I will lose him as a friend and I may hurt him. I don’t want that to happen.

Overnight, the rules have changed

I can’t talk with Sam about other dates or ask him for advice on boys. Now I have to be careful if I decide to be flirty around him.

Now I am wondering, did he always see me as a friend or did he use that friendship to get inside of me?

In New York City, we all have busy lives and are in a rush to find a partner. We rush into relationships because no one wants to be alone, but when the morning rolls around, I think a friend is more important than the benefit.

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