By Shelby Thompson
Sometimes too many options can immobilize you, especially when it comes to dating in New York City.
But over the years, I’ve learned it’s not really about the City you live in. It’s all about making it memorable for both of you.
Women don’t care if it is the first or the 50th date, we just want to know if there is a connection. We’re also paying attention to how you react and respond to our gestures.
My first dates in NYC have led me to compile a Top-10 list of dating “dos and don’ts.” If you follow these rules, you might get invited back for a second date. And these are tips that work for both women and men.
Give a Compliment. Not to sound vain, but girls love compliments. You can make love to our ears with the right words. We likely tried pretty hard to look pretty for your date, and we’d appreciate it if you would recognize that. Is there something that excites you about the way we look? Don’t be afraid to tell us what makes you like us.
Silence is Golden. While silence can be awkward when you first meet, don’t try to fill that space will mindless chatter. Use silence as an opportunity to notice something about her that maybe you didn’t see when you first got together and ask her about it. Showing that you are paying attention to her even in moments of silence can send a clear message that you are both not bored, and you are truly interested.
Hugging vs Shaking Hands. If you’re unsure whether to hug or shake hands, go for the latter when you first meet. If the date goes well, hug her when you part ways to show interest. Not a hugger? That’s okay, just be sure to shake hands with a firm grip, you want her to know you can deliver a good squeeze.
Know your Audience. Some girls prefer Conan O’Brien to the Coen Brothers. If humor is in your Top-5 for the new lady in your life, then be willing to introduce her to your line of comedy rather than hold it against her that she doesn’t know what you are talking about. If you have no luck seeing eye-to-eye on the comedy line, maybe you’re not right for each other.
Old Friends vs New Friends. The best advice given to me recently was this: go into the date as if you are seeing an old friend for the first time in a few years. That way you will stick to the newest and most important news in your life and stay away from your history for now. Your date does not need to know about the boy you liked in kindergarten just yet, but he might want to know that you’ve always wanted to be an architect, and now you are.
Don’t Show your Ass. If you are out for an easy date like grabbing a cocktail after work or having a beer on a Saturday afternoon, don’t get wasted. You will not impress anyone if you make a fool of yourself, or worse, blackout and ruin any chances of remembering the date and having another one.
Selfishness is a Turn-Off. In a similar vein, don’t spend the entire time talking about yourself, we are not that impressed. We want to learn about you, but that doesn’t mean it’s time to brag about everything. The trick is to give and receive.
Discover Similar Tastes. While finding out that you both love Breaking Bad may be the most awesome news ever, don’t spend the entire time talking about how much you love that show. And this rule applies to everything – not just TV. Explore your similar interests, and use them as an excuse to get together again when you part ways.
Be Honest and Open. If this is the first date and you had a great time, say so. If you didn’t that’s ok, not every date is a winner. More advice from my friends and fellow bloggers is to always go out on a second date. Not everyone is their best on a first date, and you might find that neither of you is as clumsy as Louis C.K. all the time. Still no spark? Don’t leave her hanging, and try to be clear that you will not be seeing each other again. It may seem early to be this direct, but it will save you both a lot of time and energy later.
Be Yourself. If you really want to impress, just be yourself. If you like to tell corny jokes, then go ahead and tell them. It’s better for her to know who you are on the first date than to discover on your 10th date that you were really playing a part. It really is that simple.